Abraham Lincoln was 22 when he moved to New Salem, Illinois

New Salem

A recreated village of New Salem is located on its original site less than an hour’s drive from Springfield, IL – and well worth the ride!

The recreated New Salem Village

Lincoln lived there for about five years. It was small but in many ways it changed his life. He had recently left the family farm to make his own way. Fortune, and a job tending a general store, led him to the little village on the Sangamon River. He liked it, and the town liked him as well.

It was there that he matured, made friends – even with the fellows on the rough side of town – and began his political career in the state legislature. It was there that he joined the local militia to fight in the Black Hawk War. They “elected” him their captain, and he said that no election gave him more personal pleasure. It was also there that he began to study law – on his own.

And it was also there that he had his first introductions to romance. Sort of. Previous experience had been (and would continue to be), professional.

Whatever emotional relationship he had with Ann Rutledge, the daughter of the local tavern keeper, is still subject to iffiness – from some of the finest Lincoln historians in the country. But the relationship with Mary Owens, is well documented by Lincoln and the lady herself.

Miss Owens: The First Time Around

Mary Owens, no Venus

Mrs. Elizabeth Abells, nee Owens, lived in New Salem and knew Lincoln. Perhaps believing that he was in need of a wife, she tried to matchmake the tall young fellow with her unmarried sister in Kentucky. When her sister came to visit, introductions were made.

Mary Owens was close in age to Lincoln, and of course the Kentucky birthright held some sway. She was nice looking enough, albeit tending toward stout. But she had some qualities that drew attention. She was well educated – always a plus to Lincoln. She came from a prosperous family. Her dresses were silk, not calico. The few encounters between the two were pleasant, but hardly romantic. He made a lukewarm comment to a friend that he could do worse then go plodding through life hand in hand with Mary Owens. He was obviously not madly in love.

Perhaps to be polite, after Mary Owens returned home, Lincoln mentioned to Mrs. Abells that “if Miss Owens ever came back to New Salem, he might marry her.”

Mary Owens: The Second Time Around

Young Lincoln, no Adonis

Three years later and still unmarried, Mary Owens visited her sister again. Both Lincoln and Mary Owens were now around 27. Lincoln had matured, and whatever passed (or did not pass) between him and Ann Rutledge had permanently ended with her untimely death, which appears to have caused him deep sorrow.

He was also in debt, dirt poor, with financial prospects slim at best.

Not so slim, however, was Mary Owens. She now (according to Lincoln) “appeared a fair match for Falstaff.” She also lacked teeth. In a phrase, he was turned off. But poor Abe, for reasons best known to himself, felt obligated, even to the point of marriage. They attended some gatherings in town, but he proved negligent in the “chivalry” department, like helping her into a carriage, or taking her arm. If there was a courtship per se, it was very, very lukewarm.

But when he left for the legislative session, the two agreed to correspond. Meanwhile, Lincoln, a veteran state legislator, had passed the Illinois bar, and had been invited to join John Todd Stuart’s law firm in Springfield. He was twenty-eight.

Getting Out of a Tight Fix

No question about it, Mary Owens was no Venus, but Abraham Lincoln was no Adonis. Still, he very much wanted to dissolve whatever perceived “liaison” might obligate him as diplomatically as possible, hoping she would decide to break it off. This way he could avoid hurting her feelings.

Copy of Lincoln’s letter to Mary Owens

He wrote her that she would likely never be happy as his wife, and would have to live in poverty while others lived luxuriously. “…My opinion is that you had better not [marry me]. You have not been accustomed to hardship, and it may be more severe than you now imagine.”

He later wrote her: “What I do wish is, that our further acquaintance shall depend upon yourself. If such further acquaintance would contribute nothing to your happiness, I am sure it would not to mine …. on the other hand, I am willing, and even anxious to bind you faster, if I can be convinced that it will, in any considerable degree add to your happiness.”

And, very much in his character, he added, “Nothing would make me more miserable than to believe you miserable – nothing more happy, than to know you are.” Then he  concluded, “If it suits you best to not answer this farewell – a long life and a merry one attend you.” 

Mary Owens finally ended the association, and Lincoln appeared much relieved.

Mary Owens Has The Last Word

Another Mary.

After Lincoln’s death, his law partner William H. Herndon determined to write Lincoln’s biography, and contacted Mary Owens (now Mrs. Jesse Vineyard,) who confessed that “Mr. Lincoln was deficient in those little links which make up the great chain of a woman’s happiness,” adding, “at least it was so in my case.”

Lincoln the Courtier, obviously lacked courtier skills. He improved somewhat but not entirely, when he courted another Kentucky Mary-with-pedigree a few years later.

Sources:

Herndon, William H. and Weik, Jesse W. – Herndon’s Life of Lincoln – DeCapo Press (reprint) 1958

McClure, J.B. (Ed.) – Anecdotes of Abraham Lincoln – Rhodes & McClure Publishing Co., 1885

Steers, Edward Jr. – Lincoln Legends: Myths, Hoaxes, and Confabulations…. – MJF Books 2007

Winkler, H. Donald – The Women in Lincoln’s Life – Rutledge Hill Pres, 2001