The young Roosevelt family.

One of the serious casualties of the great Spanish Flu epidemic of 1918-9, was the marriage of Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt.

Franklin Roosevelt In Europe

Asst. Sec. of the Navy, FDR

In mid-1918, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Assistant Secretary of the Navy, was sent to Europe to inspect Naval installations, meet with French officials, and visit the “front-lines” of the troops. He had no idea that a virulent influenza had begun to decimate millions of Europeans, already seriously weakened by the devastation of the Great War. Eventually the “flu” claimed more lives than the war itself.

He returned on the USS Leviathan, unaware that many passengers and crew were already sickened by the pandemic. Several died before the ship landed in the US. Franklin Roosevelt not only was violently stricken, but the flu was complicated by double pneumonia. When the ship docked in Hoboken, NJ he was carried off on a stretcher.

Much too ill to return to Washington, or even to the family estate in Hyde Park, he was brought to the Roosevelt town house in New York City to recuperate.

The Seeds of Marital Trouble

Sara Delano and her daughter-in-law Eleanor.

For all their strengths of political partnership, Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt could easily be categorized as a mismatch in many ways. Mostly, the mismatching was of their dispositions and personalities.

He was more outgoing; she more withdrawn. He was lighthearted with an easy sense of humor. She was serious minded. He enjoyed the traditional social/societal role of his wealthy upbringing. She believed the traditional role (at least the woman’s role) was boring, tedious and a waste of time. She preferred to be useful. He, like many political men of that era, enjoyed the company of women – but as an approving audience, rather than as a participant. Eleanor was not yet a participant, but she spoke her mind, and by her own admission, tended to critique and suggest improvements rather than give blanket approvals.

By 1918, Franklin and Eleanor had been married for thirteen years and had five surviving children (one died in infancy). The story goes that after their youngest son John was born in 1916, Eleanor decided she did not want any more children. Six in ten years was quite enough. And, in those days, when artificial birth control was a taboo subject, certainly among the upper classes who could easily afford large families, there was only one way to ensure no more children: separate bedrooms.

Franklin and Eleanor had already been growing apart. With the coming of World War I, they were finding interests outside of their marriage. Perhaps he knew it. Perhaps she suspected differences. But she was not prepared for the great awakening.

Eleanor’s Great Awakening

Franklin D. Roosevelt was extremely ill when he returned from France, and was bedridden for several more days.

Lucy Mercer

Still accepting her role as a traditional wife, she nursed her husband. As she unpacked his suitcase she discovered a packet of letters tied in a ribbon. They were not from her. She recognized the handwriting as that of Lucy Mercer, her part-time social secretary, and opened them.

These were not casual “housekeeping” letters. These were genuine love letters, indicating a relationship between her 38-year-old husband and her 27-year old secretary had been going on for some time. (Whether it was ever consummated is still open to conjecture. Neither FDR nor Lucy Mercer ever divulged the particulars.)

Eleanor was devastated. A lonely and loveless child, she had hoped to find close intimacy in marriage. FDR was never a “close” person, and Eleanor learned that soon enough. But she not prepared for such a betrayal.

When FDR recovered, she confronted her husband, who could not deny the evidence. She offered him a divorce, if he wished.

The Choices

Eleanor Roosevelt became her own “person” when she was nearly forty.

Not all marriages are happy. Even decades-long marriages may not be happy ones. But in the nineteen-teens, divorce was still scandalous. Most unhappy marriages were papered over, blind-eyes turned, and marriages-of-convenience put in place. If feasible, spouses separated for extended visits to relatives and friends, returning home at sporadic intervals “for appearances.” Some merely went their separate ways while remaining under the same roof.

In the end, neither Franklin nor Eleanor actually made the choice. Circumstances made their choices for them.

Louis Howe, the most important advisor in BOTH Roosevelts’ lives.

When Franklin’s mother, the formidable Sara Delano Roosevelt, was informed of the situation, she was horrified. No Delano or Roosevelt had ever been divorced, and she was not about to let it happen. She idolized her only son, but nevertheless was determined to cut him off without a cent if they divorced, and she maintained the major control over the Roosevelt inheritance and property.

When Louis Howe, FDR’s long-time political advisor learned of the situation, he told Franklin in no uncertain terms, that he could kiss any ambition for a political career goodbye. No one would elect a divorced man to high public office, and FDR had the presidency on his radar for a decade.

The Decision

Neither Franklin nor Eleanor Roosevelt were rancorous people by nature. They loathed confrontation and argument, especially if charm (him) and sincerity (her) could be more effective. And despite the “betrayal” they did not hate each other. To the contrary, they cared deeply for each other and always would.

But for the family name, the children, Mrs. Roosevelt Senior, Franklin’s political ambition, and most likely financial reasons, FDR and Eleanor chose to remain together, but apart. He promised never to see Lucy Mercer again (not quite kept – but kept from his wife). Eleanor would be encouraged (by both FDR and Louis Howe) to explore her own interests, which she did.

The Spanish Flu may have badly scarred an already fragile marriage, but like they say, “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”

Sources:

Cook, Blanche Wiesen, Eleanor Roosevelt: Volume One 1884-1933 – Viking Press, 1992

Perisco, Joseph E. – Franklin & Lucy – Random House, 2001

Roosevelt, James – A Differing View – Playboy Press, 1976

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5849954/

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/ten-famous-people-who-survived-1918-flu-180965336/?page=6